I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How's work?
Spinning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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