OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
