I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
