They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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