Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
