I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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