I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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