And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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