i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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