Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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