You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
