The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
