ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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