you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.