last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Be still, my beating vagina.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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