it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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