Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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