You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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