There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.