how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.