this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.