I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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