I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
