I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just gargled with NyQuil
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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