Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
