I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
