woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
