I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
