Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
