carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
