the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Michael Bay diarrhea
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
