Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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