So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
