I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
