You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
