I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
