Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
