So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
should my penis look like a turkey
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night