Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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