guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!