Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
