I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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