to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
