Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
