My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
