I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
