I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
