I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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