Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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