eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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