wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
