you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
