WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
