Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
