John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
