Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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