I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
