I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
