im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
