Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
