if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
