go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
