laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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