I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
