There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she told me i tasted like america
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
