Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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