Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were trust falling into bushes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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