hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
