Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
