Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
