Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
two words: eviction party
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
