I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
