I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
