He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
