Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
