Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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