Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Someone shit on the floor
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
