He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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