My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
