Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
