sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
