I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
