Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
