I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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