Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
