Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
